The Immediate Reactions

Your immediate reactions following the knowledge that your child has been sexually abused can have consequences that affect the long-term healing of your child. When we learn something like this, our initial reaction will normally be one that is filled with disbelief and shock and emotion. These are normal reactions and are okay to feel. But it should be understood that these reactions, when related to a young child, can have traumatic effects that may rival the actual abuse.

I know what you are thinking right now… Who am I to say this? Most might think that I have no right to say this. I can only say that my goal is to help. Think about it though. Your child comes to you and tells you that her daddy or uncle or someone touched her.

What would be your first reaction? Would you overwhelm your kid with your reaction?

What needs to happen is the creation of a protective but not overwhelming atmosphere. This would allow your child to feel comfortable as possible while he or she is questioned by CPS and authorities and as they heal from this.

If you overwhelm your child when he or she has told you how someone close to them has hurt them - which is already a traumatic event - , it may lead to feelings of guilt and a sense of distrust that can be pervasive throughout the rest of their lives.

What I’m saying here is based on the fact that most sexual abuse of children do not seem to involve overt violence and are more than likely achieved through an abuse of trust by someone close to them. So even though an adult might harbor instant animosity toward that person who abused the child, the child more than likely won’t.

Now I am asking that you take my word on this. The best way that you can be prepared to deal with a situation like this, is to prepare for it. Educate yourself. Plan how you will react if the situation arises. Do this for your kid because ultimately they are the ones most affected. Everything that we do will have bearing on how they feel, especially for a young child. There are many resources out there. Use them.